Everything is becoming real. I don’t know how I feel exactly. So I just completed my last fall semester of undergrad. It’s so weird saying that. I have successful completed 2 grad school applications, submitted 1 but with only a recommendation missing, and have 2 to be submitted within the next week or so. It’s crazy to think that in one year, I will have completed my first semester of graduate study and work as a new Student Affairs professional.
So this week has been very relaxing and stressful at the same time. I spent most of the week in the comfort of my room. I wrote two 8 page papers (one of which was analyzing Batman’s noir tropes). I finished a really good book. I also got to think a lot. In those moments of thought, I started to see myself at each school I’m applying to. I also changed my top 3 schools a bit, Colorado State is now #3 instead of Loyola Chicago. This came about through lots of thought as well as through the reading I’ve been doing. I have read so many student affairs blog posts that it should be insane. It’s how I get with things. I’m the exact same way with books and tv shows.
However, there is a downside to me thinking a bunch. Things don’t become fully real until they are staring me in the face. With that being said, I keep thinking about what if grad school doesn’t happen. I honestly don’t know what I will do. It’s terrifying. Then there was also the thought of what I would do if I got into my top 3 schools. Here’s the scenario. I get into my top 3 schools with assistants, BUT for UVM, I don’t get my #1 assistantship; but for WIU and CSU I get my #1 assistantship. What would I do in that situation. I love each school for different reasons. UVM is my dream, but the assistantship means a lot to me. I really like WIU, but do I really want to be in rural Illinois. And CSU has grown on me so much, but I don’t know if it has grown on me enough to give up the top 2. It would be a tough situation and I’m hoping it won’t happen that way. If it does, I’ll have to go with my gut. As you can tell, I think about things too much. But I’m also really passionate about Student Affairs and what I will be doing in the next step of my journey.
So today was the deadline for The University of Texas at Austin’s College and University Student Personnel Administration program application as well as the University of Vermont’s Higher Education and Student Affairs program. I turned in those applications about 2 weeks ago, but some of my recommendations weren’t turned in. I was freaking out all week. I’m pretty sure my recommenders hate me for sending them at least 10 reminders in the past 3 days about the deadline. They are official done and turned in. It’s just that whole what if thing that goes through my head so often. My mind is settled now and it feels like a weight has been lifted. I’m not the best when important aspects of my life are out of my control, but it will all work out for the best.
I’m so close I can almost taste it. It’s Becoming Real!