So this has nothing to do with student affairs and all to do with me as a person but I think I’ll share it here anyways!
There is so much going on and I don’t know if I can handle it all! Everyone thinks I have it all together, but I don’t! I’m constantly having an internal struggle! I am damn good at wearing a mask to hide what I’m feeling. Right now, I can’t even explain what my feelings are. I am juggling school, work, extracurriculars, and grad school search all at the same time! It’s a lot! I’m not getting as much sleep as I’d like and I feel like I’m missing out on the senior experience!
Today was amazing! But it also caused a ton of internal strife in that I know I’ll have to make a decision on which grad school I want to attend, but I almost never know what I want! It’s so much! I talked with a friend today and she said that I give so much and match other emotions but it seems like I don’t know myself! I don’t know myself at least not extremely well! I can easily say what I’m not but what I am is hard!
Everything right now is supposed to be exciting and perfect but for me it’s not! Why can’t I be enjoying senior year like others! Why am I the one with all the pressure being put on them? Why me?
I NEED A BREAK!!!
But one isn’t coming anytime soon! I wish I could say forget it all and just be! Self-care is my weakness! I don’t have time for it! Something has got to give otherwise I don’t know what I will do or who I will become! I think I’m on the verge of losing Ronnie!!!