“Patience is a virtue.”
That is all I’ve been hearing lately. That as well as “Trust the process.” When it’s something I want, it’s hard for me to be patient, especially when it seems like everyone around me is hearing news and I’m not. There are three other students at UT that I know are pursuing a career in Student Affairs. All three of them have committed to grad programs. Two are going to be attending Florida State University and the other is going to be attending Texas A&M University. All three of them have assistantships as well. Currently, I have nothing but a hope & a prayer.
I have been admitted to the University of Texas at Austin for their College & University Student Personnel Administration program. I got my official confirmation earlier this week. However, I’ve heard nothing about an assistantship. I did only have one interview so if that didn’t go well and I commit to UT I’ll have to scramble to find one before school starts. Currently, I don’t even know if I could commit to UT. I love this school and it’s been the best 4 years of my life, but I don’t know if my heart is in it. I’m a feeler and it’s crazy hard for me to do something that doesn’t feel right.
What feels absolutely right is Western Illinois University’s College Student Personnel program. It felt like everything fell into place during my visit there. However, it’s crazy competitive. Not in the sense that the cohort members compete with each other, but in that there were 60 of us competing for 22 spots. Yes, some of the candidates have accepted offers other places. But I know of 9 who have already accepted offers to WIU. I know I know, there are still 13 spots open and still plenty of time for offers to go out. It’s just hard, being patient. When you want something so bad, being patient seems nearly impossible. At this point, I’ve accepted the fact that I wasn’t any assistantship’s first choice. That’s fine. In the end, if/when I get an offer, it wouldn’t matter.
I guess my fear is that if I don’t get an offer and I don’t accept UT’s offer, I’ll be entering unknown territory. I have absolutely no idea what I’d do for a full year while waiting to apply to school next fall. That is terrifying me. This process has been a roller coaster for me. I applied to 5 schools and only two said that they even remotely wanted me. It has me questions just how I got this far. On the timehop app, I saw a post I wrote around this time last year. It said that all the people I’d hung out with my freshman year were doing great things to further themselves in the career path that they’d chosen. I was wondering what I was doing. At that moment, I was doubting my experiences; comparing them to those of my friend and only wound up finding a deficit. The career paths they are going into are bound to bring in lots of money from the very beginning. All I was doing at the time of the post was working as a RA. To this day, being a RA doesn’t feel like a job to me, so you can see why I was feeling the way I was. However, looking back I see that my experience have meaning and I wouldn’t be the person I am today without them. I have a lot going for me, even if I don’t see it. Two of my three fave male singers wrote lyrics that describe my exact feelings.
Gabe Bondoc (youtube him) wrote: “I’m less than perfect. I don’t always win when I try. I’ve just be second choice so many times in my life.” in his song The Math. I can definitely relate to that sentiment. It’s my life in a nutshell. But Daley (youtube him too) said, “Good things come to those who wait,” in his song Those Who Wait. So I’m gonna listen to those two artists and be patient…well try to be.