I Am…

Hey everyone! I was inspired to write this post by this video! Basically I’m going to tell you all about my identity. Identity development is one of the most fascinating things in the world (in my opinion). A person’s identity is their own. Only that person can craft their identity. Others can try to project their perceptions of the person onto said person, but that individual gets to decide what they do with that perception.

WARNING: THIS IS GOING TO GET REAL & PERSONAL! 

First off, I am a cisgender African American male with a college education raised in a single parent home in a lower socioeconomic area.  I don’t fit many of the stereotypes commonly associated with being male.

I am attracted to men. The previous statement does NOT equate to the phrase “I’m gay.” I hate labels, especially when it comes to sexuality because sexuality isn’t black or white. Sexuality is very gray. It’s a continuum with an infinite number of points so everyone’s sexual orientation is different and unique to them. Mine is that I am attracted to men mostly.

My Myers-Briggs is INFP (Introverted, Intuition, Feeling, Perceiving). I didn’t realize how introverted I was until after taking the test and reflecting on my life experiences. I’m pretty introverted. I feel a ton. How I feel determines a lot in my life. I remember feelings. Most decisions I make are based on my feelings.

I’m a singer-songwriter and self taught guitarist. I’ve been singing forever, but, due to my introversion, I didn’t sing in front of people until I was 14. I write what I feel. I started playing guitar in 2012. The first song I wrote on my guitar was titled “Wanting You” and it was about my RA at the time.

I am Greek. I’m a proud brother of Delta Lambda Phi Social Fraternity, joining the Beta Rho Chapter on December 4th, 2010. Being in this organization helped to make my college experience amazing. I love my brothers and would do almost anything for them.

I had a hard time navigating my identity as a queer person of color and in some cases still do.

I’m not as confident as I may seem. I am usually a big ball of nerves. I hate being in the spotlight unless I choose it for myself. Being put on the spot terrifies me. I am insecure in many aspects of my life especially my singing and songwriting. Those are the two things I love to do and when I find someone amazing, I feel like crap.

I often wonder, if checked, if I’d be diagnosed with some sort of mental illness. I, personally, think I have some sort of inferiority complex because I am always comparing myself to others and always feel like I come up short. I never feel good enough. I also wonder if I suffer from a form of depression. When I was younger, I would often question if anyone would miss me if I was gone.  I still sometimes have those thoughts. I feel things intensely (both good and bad). When I’m up, I extremely up. And when I’m down, I’m extremely down. My music has been a huge help in dealing with these parts of my identity as well as writing and leaning on my support system.

I was bullied something terrible growing up. At school, I was the “nerd” and didn’t have many real friends. I always felt alone. When I got older, the teasing went from me being a “nerd” to me being “gay.” The problem wasn’t just students either. Every now and then a teacher would chime in. I hated going to school. It was horrible and may have contributed to some of the questions in the above paragraph.

I am a hopeless romantic, but I’m single. I’ve been in 4 relationships in my life and all of them ended with my heart being broken. I love the simple things when it comes to relationships. Perfect date for me is a meal we cook together, meaningful conversation, and maybe a walk. Simply being together with the person is perfect.

Ok that’s all I’m gonna share for now. I shared lots of deep info about me in this post because all of it makes me the person I am today. Every single part of my identity (both the good and the bad) works together to create “Ronnie.” There is no other person like me. Would I change the bad thing about my identity? Hell no. Going through rough times makes you stronger and better. They taught me so much about myself and I’m still learning about myself. It is all of these parts of me that will make me an amazing professional in the field I love. It is all of these part that make me human. While no two people are exactly the same, I know I’m not the only one who is going through or has gone through or will go through these things. This is my story and it is nowhere near done. Everyday I craft a new page that is the story of my life. I’ve learned to treat each experience as that a part of my story.

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