Yesterday, I got my 13th tattoo. I am a firm believer that all of my tattoos should mean something. For me, the phrase “be your own anchor” mean a lot. It comes from one of my favorite shows, MTV’s Teen Wolf. In the Season 3B premiere episode “Anchors”, Melissa McCall, mother of the protagonist Scott, was consoling her son. Scott had recently broken up with his first love Allison Argent. He was upset because Allison was his anchor, she kept him human and grounded when his inner wolf would begin to run wild. Melissa told him that he needed to be his own anchor.
For me, this is very similar. I have always anchored myself in others. Throughout my life I would float from group to group trying to find my place, my people. Each group would anchor me for a semester or year and then I’d be on to the next one. I even had my family anchor me. They kept me grounded and sane. I was never too far from anyone. However, when I moved to Oxford, OH for grad school I left those that anchored me. I moved 16 hours from my people. For me that meant that I had to find my people at Miami and in SAHE.
As I’ve expressed in other posts, this did not happen the way I wanted. I didn’t find my people right away. I still don’t know if I’ve found my people. My groups have changed so much that I don’t know what consistency feels like. This brought me lots of sad nights when I felt lost. In rewatching Teen Wolf, I remembered the quote “Be your own anchor”. It’s something I’ve learned to do and am continuing to learn how to do. I have to keep myself grounded and be ok with that. No one has better intentions for yourself than you do.
Being my own anchor means that I am working on doing things for me. It means keeping myself centered. I have to keep myself in mind whenever I do things. It means say No and meaning it. It means taking care of myself. It means not putting my worth in the hands of others. Being my own anchor means putting me first. I can get lost in others, in work and let life pass me by. Being my own anchor means not letting the dreams and goals that I have fall to the side for the dreams and goals of others.
Being in SAHE and at Miami taught me that I need to put me first. I am only human. I can only do so much for others. I am being my own anchor. It will keep me sane, healthy, and ensure that I am sharing with others my best self. I struggled with this for nearly an entire year. It’s not easy. It’s a process. It’s a work in progress. If you are moving to a new place, struggling to find your place, or just tired of putting the will of others before you, remember to “Be your own anchor”. No one is gonna do it for you.